using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
