I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
