I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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