I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
