why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This toilet bowl is my home.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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