he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
