Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
