3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
