I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
