yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
