last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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