how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
