I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
