I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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