he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
