If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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