That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
