Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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