Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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