I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
