i always forget guys have bellybuttons
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
