I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
