just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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