im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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