Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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