You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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