Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
