I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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