some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
