We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
