Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
