The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
