Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
