Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
