I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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