So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
People in love make me want to vomit
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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