Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
