I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
