So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
