Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
