I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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