What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
