So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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