Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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