lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
