All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
