i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
