it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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