I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
