I skipped work to stalk him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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